My sugary abuse story
by RainbowRomeo
Summary: Imaginary understanding person, could you help me tell my boyfriend that I can’t see him anymore, because it’s getting too hard to hide the bruises and stand the fact that I’m not strong enough to fight off the person that’s supposed to love me?


_**My sugary abuse story**_

You know how it is always a whole lot easier to ask for help when it is about something small? I had no idea how often I had went and asked for help at the hospital.

"Carla, could you help me hook up whatever patient to…?"

"Dr. Cox, could you help me find out…?"

"Elliot, could you help me get whatever patient to…?"

"Dr. Cox, could you help me tell whatever patient that…?"

"Turk, could you help me look for…?"

"Dr. Cox, could you help me to hide from…?"

"Dr. Cox, could you help me ask Dr. Kelso…?"

"Dr. Cox, could you help me talk to…"

The problem was that right now, no name seemed to fit my question. Not Carla's, not Elliot's, not Turk's and not even Dr. Cox's, even though weirdly enough, if it had not been for him making a rule about me not being allowed to talk about my personal life, I would have probably already gone and talked to him. However, seeing how that rule did exist, not even his name seemed right.

"Imaginary understanding person, could you help me tell my boyfriend that I can't see him anymore, because it's getting too hard to hide the bruises and stand the fact that I'm not strong enough to fight off the person that's supposed to love me?"

________________________________________

This time, I knew I needed medical care. Until now Greg had been careful not to do me too much harm. He always tried not to hit me where people would see – I had not been allowed to change in the hospital for a long time. He never hit one spot too often so that no terminal damage or injuries that needed treatment would be caused.

I guess it had really made him furious that I connected not wanting to have sex with him with Dr. Cox. Even though I had only said that I had been too tired because of taking over most of my mentor's patients.

But, Greg, he hated Dr. Cox for we both knew – like most people – that I was in love with that man. I was staying with Greg, because it had been comfortable most of the time and also because I was afraid of what he would do should I ever tell him that no, I did not like living with a guy who beat me for burning his pancakes.

He had yelled about me cheating on him with "my doctor guy" and about how I never considered his feelings. And then, he punched me in the face, in my stomach, kicked my crotch when I was down. Then he stripped and fucked me.

Official term for that was domestic rape. Because no, it is not consensual sex, just because you are partners, when the one being fucked is crying from pain. I did cry. I was still a man, technically, it hurt like hell to be kicked in the crotch like that. Afterwards there had been a few more kicks to my chest, shoulders, stomach, back, fortunately none lower than that.

My problem was that I was bruised now. My torso looked really bad, my arms had suffered when he had kicked them as I had been trying to protect my chest. The moment anyone would lift my sleeves, put a hand to my shoulder or see me topless, they would know. The moment I walked into Sacred Heart, I already knew that somehow, my eight months old secret would be discovered.

The question was – who would be the one to discover it?

________________________________________

The answer was – everybody. At least that was what I first thought when I woke up in one of the hospital's beds and realized it was not one in the on-call room.

As always the Janitor was to blame. Long story short – he made me trip, I staggered a few steps and hit my head on the counter of the nurse's station. Last thing I heard was a concerned "Bambi!" before everything went black and I went into unconsciousness thinking that please, nobody should see the bruises.

Lying on the bed, I saw the IV attached to the crook of my left arm. Right beside a big, slightly purple, but mostly deep blue bruise. So that was when my hopes vanished, because there was no long sleeve rolled over my elbow.

I was wearing a gown.

They had stripped me.

They had seen my chest, my arms, my back. Everything.

For a moment I felt nothing at all. I was not feeling numb or anything, I was feeling nothing, thinking nothing, I guess I was not even breathing for a moment. Then I thought that maybe, it was for the best. The Janitor had made the decision about asking for help for me. Certainly, everybody knew already. Turk and Carla were probably already worried sick, Elliot was crying. Maybe even Dr. Cox was worried and thinking about some way to help me out? I decided that I would have liked that.

My hopes were dashed the second my mentor stormed in, a scared intern trailing behind. My heartbeat went into overdrive and I was happy as hell that I was not attached to a heart monitor. I was feeling embarrassed enough for a day, I did not like the feeling that it was probably Dr. Cox who had seen my battered torso.

"Patient Dorian", he started explaining to the intern and my blood went cold. "Male, 28 years old, brought in for possible concussion after hitting his head, swelling and a cut that had to be sutured from the impact of the fall. Several bruises in different stages were discovered that could not have been caused by the accident that brought him here. Clear signs of domestic abuse, so try and get someone else to give him the 'We know ya' love him, but ya' have to leave him'-talk. Rape kit not necessary even though there are signs of rape, he's regularly having intercourse with a man and he'll only tell you it was consensual so no need to waste money. Give him some pain killers if he wants and keep him awake to the next morning. Moving on…"

And just like that, he was gone again. Wrote me off as a victim of domestic abuse and went on with his life. I cannot say that it did not hurt a lot more than what Greg did to me. I was just one of his stupid patients who was not bright enough to ever, ever listen.  
Dr. Cox did not care the slightest bit that my boyfriend beat me up and raped me. And I could only wonder how he even knew I had a boyfriend and regular sex with a guy.

________________________________________

As it turned out, Dr. Cox was intending to keep the whole thing a secret. The scared little intern was the only one allowed in and really, it was no surprise that he was as scared as he was. Dr. Cox had probably made it very clear that he did not want him to talk to anybody about me.

I was not actually sure whether I was relieved or not that only those two knew. While waiting for the next morning to come I went through quite some different stages, including the one with the "Maybe it would have been the perfect opportunity to get out of my mess without having to actually tell anybody about it"-thoughts. Sure, there also were the "Maybe I should really give it one more shot"-thoughts and I tried not to acknowledge the fact that I was doing exactly what Dr. Cox had expected.

Nobody knew. Or better, nobody who would help me knew. That meant I had to go back and go on like before, the only thing changed was a "victim of domestic abuse" comment in one of my medical files.

________________________________________

"Bambi! I still can't believe Dr. Cox wouldn't let us in to see you!"

Carla was not mad at me and that was probably a good thing. Not that it felt like one, since nothing was actually able to make me feel good. I had about ten minutes left until Greg would come to take me home.

I did not want to go. Oh God, I wanted to stay – stay – stay… I even considered provoking the Janitor into hurting me again.

"Yeah well, he probably didn't want me to get into discussing how I'm going to change my daily make-up to fit the stitches or something like that so soon", I replied sarcastically, which only made Carla roll her eyes, but then there was a deep chuckle behind me…

"And to think it only took you three years to think of sarcasm as a better way of dealing than sneaking into supply closets and crying your pretty little eyes out", cue the pretend-to-cry-and-rub-eyes-motion, "but, you know, Bethany, I really think you should go with the pink eye shadow even though it doesn't fit the sutures' color, since I know that you really need the feminine touch, 'cause the light blue is just too darn boyish for you…"

"Dr. Cox, this isn't the right moment for you to have a go at Bambi, at least let him rest for a bit. He's going to be gone any minute now, then you can continue hassling whoever, so shut it and leave him his peace!" Carla to the rescue!

I was still not feeling good, but as Turk and Elliot turned up and we chatted for a bit while Dr. Cox was leaning against the counter a few feet away, I started to feel at least somewhat comforted. I loved having my friends around me and I loved Dr. Cox's presence. I felt… safe. I even contemplated opening up about the whole Greg story. Dr. Cox might have even helped me explain if I had taken the first step on my own!

I never got the chance to.

Honestly, it was one of the most uncomfortable moments in my life when Greg came around the corner. On cue my friends welcomed him warmly, because they had no idea what was going on between us. I mean, yes, they knew about our relationship, they were the only ones who knew, but they did not have a clue how bad things had been going.

And all the while Dr. Cox was leaning against the counter, clipboard still open in front of him, but watching the scene with highly raised eyebrows. He knew.

I felt sick to my stomach. Even more as Greg stepped up to me, slipped an arm around my waist and kissed me. On the lips.

"Hey, honey!"

At least I was not the only one completely frozen. Greg had never come to the hospital until then, which was the reason nobody but the people I had told had known about him and me. Well, besides Dr. Cox – How had he known? Not that it mattered, he would have found out right that moment anyway.

My friends knew I was everything but okay with everyone knowing I was gay and in a man-on-man relationship. It surprised them how open Greg was acting and it disappointed me how quickly they went back to normal again, probably thinking I had changed my mind, not even considering I was still not okay with it.

"So, you're ready to go home? I've already prepared everything so you can just lay down while I work my magic on you!", Greg beamed at me and my stomach turned. I could imagine what his magic would look like and I got the feeling, someone else could, too.

Dr. Cox turned around and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked at me – challenging me, daring me to stand up for myself. Why the hell was he not helping me? He knew that the man holding me had just recently beat me up and raped me violently! I could not understand why he was letting me go back to that when he knew he only had to say one word: "No".

And why was _I _not saying "no" to Greg?

________________________________________

Lying on the living room floor I hoped to God someone would rewind time and let me go back to that moment at the hospital, let me tell everyone that I was in a bad place at home, let me confess that I was living with a monster. Oh, Greg had really planned everything so I just had to lay there, not that I had any chance of standing up on my own after those two kicks to both my knees.

"I don't even want to know what the hell that Doctor and you did the whole night! Don't you think I noticed how he looked at you? How jealous he was to see me leave with his piece of ass? Well, newsflash, 'Newbie' or whatever he calls you, this is my piece of ass, not his, not anyone else's!"

As if to make really, really sure just what piece of ass he meant, he literally kicked my ass and even though the coccyx can take a lot, it hurts pretty bad to have it bruised. It is especially bad when you already know you are also going to be fucked later and I knew that I would not be sitting for at least a week.

"I can't believe you! As if it isn't enough that I give up half my life, my job for you, you really want me to give up my dignity and just let you go cheat on me? Try again, JD, I'm not that guy, I'm everything but that guy…"

Give up his job for me? That was a nice excuse for being kicked out of his training for showing up drunk and trying go get it on with the boss's daughter without her consent! Greg made me so mad and I had my mind set on talking back this time, but oh my God, my ass hurt and my chest was in so much pain from when he plunged his knee into it before I collapsed onto the ground.

"You won't, JD, I won't let that happen, you hear me? I'm going to show you who gets to mess around with you, I and only I get…"

He never could finish that sentence. Because while Greg was shouting and stripping me of my pants, the door flew open and my knight in shining armour appeared. Had I not been in so much pain I would have probably imagined him on a horse.

"Oh, hello there, Mr. Overcompensation, why don't you kindly get the fuck away from that kid before I get to be the one to mess around with someone and by that I actually mean mess _up_ your face?", Dr. Cox ranted while storming in and not giving Greg any chance of actually getting away from me.  
He gripped him by his shirt and punched him straight in the face, using so incredibly much force that Greg _flew_ over the sofa table. Oh my God, Dr. Cox had punched my boyfriend for abusing me!

Guess that meant Greg was done being my boyfriend.

"So, you probably know the drill since Nathalia there might not be the first girl you went all crazy on and showed how very big of a man you are", Cox grunted and stepped closer to Greg while I was desperately trying to pull up my pants without wincing too loudly.

Oh, hell that hurt – hurt – hurt…. Fortunately, Dr. Cox seemed to notice my discomfort and decided against beating up Greg and instead only pointed a finger at him sharply.

"You try getting up? I will be the one abusing your body as a punching bag with so much strength you couldn't even try and beat up Janice with. Oh, to hell with it", and that was followed by a kick to Greg's crotch and a yelp, "that was for you thinking you are allowed to lay one finger on _my_ Newbie! And remember, don't get up, asshole!"

I still had not managed to pull up my jeans. Not that I was particularly comfortable with having Dr. Cox see my naked backside or letting him see for himself that Greg liked to mix bedroom activities with beating me up. It hurt too much to move my hips up in order to get my pants high enough.

And suddenly a hand came to lay on my lower abdomen to lift up my hips and another hand pulled up my pants. I was totally blown off by how gentle Dr. Cox could be. I had seen him like that with one or the other woman, however, experiencing it first hand was a different thing all over.

"Try and close the buttons", Dr. Cox instructed and I obeyed. I loved him for taking over and telling me what to do.

Seconds later he was helping me to stand up and I managed to get to my feet with the help of him and the wall beside me. He left me leaning against the latter and to my surprise took off his coat to lay it around my shoulders. Okay, I was shirtless and shivering. And oh my God, did that jacket feel good…

"So, Mr. Manly Boy, I'm taking Newbie with me. You've got until the day after tomorrow to get the hell out of here with all your crap. You touch any of his things and we'll sue your ass for more than just bodily harm and domestic rape. And don't you think of doing a runner, I'll catch you no matter where you flee to."

And even though it should have scared me to think about suing him or living alone with him knowing where I am, I couldn't focus on anything but Dr. Cox using the phrase "_we_ will".

End

_© 2009 by rainbow_romeo_


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